Music Update

RRRAAAAGGGHHH

Man, I need to get back to writing some productive posts.

Anyway, just wanted to say I got two more songs I want to compose and then I'll find out where I want to post them and what I want to do.

Contributing

I've always been a big fan of music. One of my heroes is Freddy Mercury and I have been fortunate enough to have experienced many different genres of music, ranging from County to Hip-Hop, Trance to Metal and all around beautiful music in between.

I've decided that I should at least make an attempt at contributing to an art form that has done so much for me. When I feel more energetic, a blog posting about music seems in order.

But what this post is saying is that once I get a few more songs composed, I'm going to post them on my blog. Then I can say that I actually have contributed something, regardless of if people listen or not.

Le sigh

Dear Blog.

It's been a while since we last spoke. That is terribly rude on my part. I wanted to let you know I have no ill will towards you, I've just been busy. I've been creating and working and taking care of my kitten and reflecting.

And the excuses pile on. I regret that we have no spoken for a little over a month. This is what I truly miss.

Writing.

I miss seeing my words posted for all to see if they so choose to read them. I miss how you, my blog, were able to allow me the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings in my often hidden, deepest, linguistic passion And I miss writing in general. I need to make more of an effort to follow my dream.

I have an idea brewing in my mind for a new story. I am going to start planning it out and actually make an effort towards being what I want to be. A writer.

Because deep down, as the country has now proven, I need to bear in mind the Occam's razor of life: "Yes, We Can."

Love
Andrew.

toLoveRU: Anime

...what the fuck.

I don't know if anyone reading this, if there is anyone at all, is an anime fan. Well, I am. Love it to death actually. But man, gotta say.

Just finished watching this anime called toLoveRU and....what the hell.

The first couple of episodes...not bad...not bad. Introduce supporting characters, interesting situation main characters are in, a love triangle...etc. etc.

But jesus, after the first couple of episodes the plot just ddrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggs out.

Very slow plot development. Way too many, in my humble opinion, filler episodes with little importance on the actual plot, a bit too much fan service and a few other things.

But most imporant of all, the ending was bullshit.

There, I said it. Bullshit.

So, during the last episode, the main character, Rito, has to run to the spaceship. In classic Anime fashion, especially in dealing with these kinds of shows, his friends show up, whoop some ass, and he makes it. The other main character, Lala, the girl he is trying to "save" sorta ((he has to run to the space ship so Lala's father doesn't destroy the earth [by the way, Lala is an alien])). He saves the earth and then suddenly, BAM Lala and Rito are at a wedding ceremony.

BAM

Emeril style plot twist.

BAM MOTHER FUCKER. YOU GOT A WEDDING.

With a sprinkle of Sam Jackson.

For your information, the beginning plot twist is that Rito unintentionally proposed to Lala ((alien species, different rituals, 'lolz' ensue)).

But yeah, BAM wedding scene.

But, what must be mentioned is that Rito loves this other girl named Haruna. Who is kinda a shy fox. Reminds me of Ami Mizuno. And if you know who she is, try and call me a nerd since it's pretty fucking nerdy to know who she is.

Anyway, suddenly, Lala calls off the wedding, apologizes for all the BULLSHIT she put everyone through, breaks the engagement and then uses a memory wiping device to clear everyone's memory in like...2 fucking minutes.

I mean, last episode, yeah, you gotta put shit together. But damn. Emotional ADD.

Anyway, she "wipes everyone's mind" on the planet earth so she can start over.

Scene changes as Lala is supposedly a new transfer student. Opens the door.

Everyone remembers her.

Why? Cause her inventions are notorious for sucking and dying.

So everyone remembers. Dun dun dun, love triangle still?

NO!

NOTHING.

They say hi. Rito turns to Haruna and is about to say something, but she stops him and smiles at him and then the last shot is Lala jumping forward to hug/glomp everyone.

Anime over.

Seriously?

26 episodes.

24 minutes long.

Over 10 hours of my life. Wasted.

I am so pissed off.

There was no closure!

I mean, come the fuck on. Even when Spike died in Cowboy Bebop, you had some closure in the fact that the main character is mother fucking dead.

All the last episode did was....make everyone friends. Solved nothing.

Why didn't Lala's father just be like "nope, fuck the memory device, i am the ruler of the galaxy and i am gonna blow the earth up." Or...why didn't Rito grow a spine and tell Lala the truth. Or why couldn't he confess to Haruna till like...episode 24.

Hardly any character development, lots of shy cutsey bullshit, seriously? the only reason to watch this anime is for one reason, and one reason only.

Golden Darkness

Through out all the nambi-pambi bullshit this Anime continued to pump out after a possible openning up with an interesting, if a bit overused idea, Golden Darkness, or Yami-chan, fricken saved this Anime.

Totally badass.

So, if anything...watch it for her. Otherwise...I want my 10 hours back

Corporations

Sorry it's been over a month since I've last written, I've been exhausted. With the new kitten, of which I will eventually post pictures of, work getting more complicated along with my yearning to get back into academia, I just haven't had the desire to write.

But when I was outside, I got to thinking. I recently watched Babylon A.D. Great movie with Vin Diesel. (I don't care what people say, that D&D nerd is a bad ass action star and a good actor.) There was this scene in the movie where they were flying in a jet liner. The hull was painted with in Coca Cola decor. Sounds innocent right?

Yet, for some reason, it got me to thinking.

Another movie I watched recently is called Idiocracy. Great movie featuring Luke Wilson. and alot of it says something about corporations if you look at it the way I did the second time I watched it. Pixar's movie Wall-E also has a lot to say about future corporate involvement in our everyday lives.

These movies, and more, are saying alot about how too much corporate involvement is a detriment to us as a society. But what is odd is all of these movies...are produced/funded/made by corporations themselves.

It is almost like we are being warned about something happening by the people who are making it happen, but it is in a movie, so we perceive it as make believe. the simple that corporations are able to joke about and make money off of using the concept of Total Societal Neocolonialism is astonishing to me.

It's like a friend coming up to you, laughing his/her ass off about how he/she is going to shoot you in the face in the near future with the shotgun they just purchased, then getting you to laugh about it as they pull the trigger.

Granted, there are some good corporations out there. I will try to refrain from lumping all corporations into one group and labeling them as evil. That's just stupid.

But the simple fact that we can laugh about something that could be a distinct reality in the near future scares me.

Side Note: My kitten is awesome and made of win.

a free spirit at 6:30 in the morning

I hate mornings and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I realize that I am semi- or totally addicted to Advil PM to shut my brain off at night so I can get up for work in the morning. That I can't go until I drop, get up whenever my body is rested and do that again. Even now, while writing this out, I am still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and wondering what the fuck I am doing writing at this ungodly hour of the morning.

But I would like to have a bit more faith in myself and not think that I hate mornings because I am lazy. In fact, I would like to believe I am quite industrious. I mean hell, I amwriting a blog at 6:30 in the morning. So let me turn on my new discovered Korean Pop music and try to get my thoughts out.

By the way, Lee Hyori is gorgeous. I'd recommend looking her up. I've been addicted to her song 'Anyclub' featuring Teddy.

I originally wanted to write this blog about how much we owe to farming in our society. not just for food, but in how we schedule things as well. For example, why does our business day start so "early"?. We originally had to get up this early to take care of the animals and the fields while there was light outside. Summer vacation for schools was also originally because the children needed to be able to help on the farm during the time with most day light.

Also, if you'd notice, most alarm clocks are annoying as fuck. Well, if you've ever heard a rooster crowing in morning, you'd see the connection. Those things are fucking annoying.

Anyway, I realized that as much as we owe to farming in shaping our society in the realm of self schedule is almost as much as I care. recognizably but still very little. I think the only reason I was going to write about farming is because I didn't want to be up this early and wanted to be sympathetic to people that HAVE to be up this early.

Which made me think, in a totally random direction, am I too free spirited for my own good? All I want to do is spend my days or nights going to concerts, networking between my diverse group of friends to hear and see stuff I normally wouldn't, writing down my insane story ideas to decode my own self, dive into the fantasy worlds of video games, be intimate with someone I care for and somehow make enough money to do this and take care of my finances.

I'm actually a fairly simple guy. I have a POS cell phone, a used car, an old computer. I don't have top of the line stuff. Though I do realize the irony of saying I am simple but have technology. So shut your face, it's early for me :)

but what I think I am trying to get at while my brain is still waking up is that maybe I need to learn to enjoy my mornings and still do the things I want to do and figure out how to get paid for it.

Or maybe I am too tired to make coherent thoughts for a blog.

I may write one later tonight just to put out some thing with a more intelligent design.

Doesn't help matters that I was distracted by this and this

Sorry...it's early.

Religion from an Agnostic

It's weird.

For some reason, Religion seems to be becoming a popular topic of discussion around me. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am now comfortable telling people I am agnostic, when before, I really wasn't. But it seems now that some co-workers and neighbors know I am agnostic, from their asking, I keep hearing more about this 'God' fellow. As if I've become some sort of magnetic for potential redemption now that I am not part of the crowd.

Yet, I can find it within myself to believe. Maybe it's because I've been to other temples, shrines, etc, and have seen the faith that other religions can bring. Maybe it's because I simply don't believe there is anyway I can worship something that would be impossible to disprove or prove. I understand the leap of faith involved in religion, I just don't think its for me.

But, if I was to believe, I have a feeling I know where I might.

I was reading up on Hinduism and there was this interesting concept they have, besides Dhrama and Karma. They don't believe in hell because they believe they very concept of hell states that there are deeds that can be done that are outside of God's love. Very interesting concept.

But something that grabs my attention more so, is the concept of Omniquantism.

I read it in a webcomic. I know it sounds silly, but the base idea makes a lot of sense to me. The idea of Omniquantism is that all religions are correct.

How so? you may ask.

Well, if God, or whatever deity, is truly omnipotent, couldn't all the religions beliefs be true? couldn't each culture just have interpreted divine action differently than others?

I think if there is a God, Omniquantism makes the most sense. Every religion is correct, they are just different interpretations of the same actions.

If you look into the base religion of Japan. Not the major religions, but the overall, kind of neighborhood religion, there is this concept that is very close to religion. the Japanese people believe they are all children of the sun, and the sun has sent down it's son and they pray to him for help, guidance, and all that. that sounds very close to how Jesus came down from God, and we are all God's children.

Similiar ideas, just interpreted differently.

I've also heard rumors that, in those years of Jesus' life not documented in the bible, from age 12 to age 30ish, that Jesus may have spent some time studying in the Orient, practicing his teachings and learning along the way. This would tie into the idea of different interpretations.

What I find most silly is that many people who are devoutly religious have never taken the time to look at what other religions are saying and immediately assume they are wrong. I am not saying all devoutly religious people do that, but I would wager my money on 'many' being the correct vernacular.

But when you really look at it, Religion is pretty much the same. They all have their rituals and sense of community. Ways of reaffirming belief and all that good stuff Emile Durkheim talks about in his study of religion.

By the way, if you never have, I'd recommend reading Durkheim's work Ritual and Religion, can be quite interesting. Especially his talk about the sacred and the profane. After I'm done reading my book on consciousness, and the complete works of Max Weber, I'm going to dive back into Durkheim's work.

Anyway, that's all I can really think of to say about this, just thought this might be a bit thought provoking

Tired

Man, I hate being tired all the time. It's hard for my brain to work.

I'll post something sometime this weekend.

I got enough thoughts floating around in this tired brain to say something still.

In the face of change

It is just one of those days.

I sort of want to escape. But I won't.
I will go do something that will distract me, but it won't be until I start dreaming that I really face it. So maybe I am escaping to my dreams.

I don't know.

The day started off fine. A boss's birthday and there was free food, which was nice, since I am currently broke off my ass. But the day only got worse.

I just had a horrible performance at work. I got overwhelmed, frustrated and didn't do as well as I know I can. At lunch, I found out Robert Jordan, who is an amazing writer, died recently. After work, I found out that my friend Anne couldn't visit me because she got into trouble. And as soon as I get home, I find out an old family friend had finally fallen to her cancer and died Friday.

R.I.P. Jan Kannrey. 7/18/08.

So I went outside, to try and get my mind off of the day, when I saw a beetle, back on the ground and squirming desperately.

"Why is everything dying?" I said aloud to no one in particular.

I sighed.

"Not everything is dying." I corrected.

I stared at the beetle for a bit, watching as it squirmed around and contemplated what I should do. Normally, I think I would crush it, but I didn't have it in me today. I grabbed a small tool and flipped the beetle over onto it's feet. Only to find out that one of it's front legs was broken.

And all I could think to myself was "All I can do is put you back on your feet."

I'm not totally sure what the point of the blog was. Maybe it's just a shitty day. Maybe I am trying to find more meaning to connect a series of seemingly unrelated events.

Or maybe it's just a shitty day.

Quitters never prosper

I have this addiction.

And I want to quit.

And as i type this and look at that line, part of me is laughing and part of me is crying. I was outside on my patio, contemplating this to myself as i fell into this addiction, when I stepped on this small pin. It had it's back on, but part of the needle was peaking out of the shell.

Maybe it was supposed to get my attention.

I picked it up and all it said was "Real"

How are you supposed to stop participating in something you enjoy when you know it's bad for you. An abusive relationship with myself and I'm unable to walk away.

I need a shower, but I need to clean more than my skin.

My Neighbor

Life has been pretty hectic lately. Moving into a new place, trying to get it organized, adjusting to a new schedule, slowly morphing into a working stiff. I've been working at this place for less than two weeks and already I am trying to figure out how to get promoted. But even as my life tries to turn mundane, my brain has still been active.

Lately, I've had this idea for a short story involving a young girl, a dragon, the grim reaper, and a roof top as they contemplate life and the stars and such. The idea is slowly panning out. But I can't seem to take the time to sit down and write it.

I think one of the things that keeps me from being creative is my neighbor.

I don't mean to say that she is loud or disruptive in anyway. In fact, she leaves me alone. When I go out to the patio, if she is out there, is inquires about my life and I, to her's. But neither of us really have anything going on. I'm starting a job, she works. We both live alone, even though her boyfriend visits her often. I've been told they have an on and off relationship, and by my estimations, it's going through an On-phase.

But it begs the question, why do I wonder about her?

And today, while trying to walk around and get inspired to actually write something and not loose whatever touch I have with my authoring skills, i think i have figured out what bugs me.

I would like to consider myself a man of possibilities. Not just possibilities for myself, but what possibilities lie in store for others. I think one of the reasons I am such good friends with my friend Matt is that I see such possibility in him that part of me just wants to see how it will turn out. Like reading a good book that happens to be two thousand pages long. You don't want to rush it, but you are still anxious to see how it turns out.

But when it comes to possibilities and my neighbor, I've started to wonder what route she has taken in her life. The majority of the time I see her, she is slurring her words. Since it is not a constant thing, the easy assumption is that she is drunk. Most of the time, I do see her drink a lot. But someone such as myself is in no position to assume a moral soapbox. Nor should I be one to assume at all. My socially train gut instinct tells me she might be a drunk.

Yet another event sticks out in my mind. One night, while out on the patio, relaxing, I overheard a conversation she was having on her side of the porch. And the young man, maybe a few years older than I, was asking her if she wanted him to remove her other personality.

I think the hopeless romantic thinker in me wants to secretly delve into her past. What was she like when she was younger? When you first look at her, you might think of an old toy doll sewn up but still wrinkled from age but someone felt compelled to give her new, if not silvery hair. I wonder what she was like before I met her? Maybe as a youth, she was extremely intelligent bookwise, but made a few bad decisions. Maybe she has always been a bad seed. But I can tell she is not a bad person completely. Whenever I talk to her, I am oft reminded of how she raised her son from the age of 4 to 18. She is proud of him, that is for sure.

Though in a rare instance of timidity, I don't pry into her life. Maybe I am afraid of seeing my romanticized ideals of what she could, or can be, lashed to pieces. Maybe part of me is cautious of making a new attachment to someone when I know I won't be staying where I am for more than two years (I hope).

But I find my self somewhat disappointed to not see her when I go out back.

The only thing I know is that this contemplation is interfering with my other writing, and it's pissing me off.

Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

Lately, my head has been swimming with all sorts things and life has been busy.

I'll update with a better blog as soon as i get a chance.

Until then, here is Mystery Science Theater 3000 with a movie staring Raul Julia.

Traveler

I have always considered myself a traveler at heart.

Ever since I was little, I have been on the move. When I was 3, I moved to the Middle East because my father worked in the oil industry. When Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait City, where I lived, I moved to Pennsylvania. Later, I moved to Ohio, where I currently reside. When I was 8, my parents divorced and my father chose not to live in the same state, so until the age of 18, I would travel down to his place in North Carolina, by Airplane or Car, fairly often. My mother's grandparents live in Pennsylvania and my father's live in South Carolina so I would often travel to see them as well. I've also visited Washington D.C., Detroit, Toronto, Chicago, Houston, Baton Rouge, Orlando, Kansas City, and the Grand Canyon. And I have been ever so fortunate to visit Japan in the summer of 2006 (I still need to write to my host family.)

With this fair list, it has safe to say that traveling around has been a major part of my life. I am sure there are some places I am also forgetting but the point is, that I have traveled.

This is not to say that I am worldly by any means. I do not mean to write this post as a ego-boosting, self proclamation of my so-called awesomeness.

What I simply mean to relay is that I am a traveler.

Traveling has disrupted much of my life yet has shown me thing that I know many people are not fortunate enough to experience. And for that I am grateful.

But I find myself today sitting down and wondering if I am going to be denying an essential part of my self in a few hours.

At 1 p.m. today, I'll be sitting down in an interview with a real job. No disrespect meant to all those who bust their asses working in Mike Rowe-esque jobs, but I'll be doing my second interview for a job that will officially "settle me down", at least for a few years. I'll be working 7:30 till 4:30pm, Monday through Friday, if I get this job.

And for some reason, it terrifies me.

I thought about it for a while. I thought maybe I was confusing fear with excitement. After all, this is a big opportunity for me. I'll be able to get my own apartment, get benefits, and pretty much be independent of anyone if I so choose.

But no, it terrifies me.

I also thought about maybe I am scared of growing up. Maybe I am terrified of reaching the point where I am actually held accountable for major problems. Maybe I am terrified of reaching a point where I feel like I have to give up my dream of writing stories for video games because I need to start earning a real income and "be a grown up". To this, I thought that might be true. I know that if I get this job, I won't be able to attend a promising conference in Austin Texas that has several conferences for video game writing..

But no, I am too stubborn to give up on my dream.

I will write stories for video games.

So why does this terrify me so?

I mean, I could always wuss out and just not show up. But where is the honor in that?

Oddly enough, it came to me while working on a concept for a City of Heroes character. (A Warshade for those of you who are curious and know the game.) I wanted a character that had my name in some respect. So I took my middle name, Andrew, and rearranged it into Dre Wan, thinking to myself that it would be a cool name.

But in the conceptualizing phase, i started to worry again. And it just seemed to strike me.

If you re-arrange Andrew, you get the word Wander. And it's only a one letter change really.

For some reason, that just snapped things into focus for me.

If I get this job, what will happen to this part of me that has come to define me so? Traveling and Wandering has become such an integral part of my personality that, with out it, I wouldn't know how to define myself at all.

I think what scares me is that, in getting this job, I'll have to fight against my very nature as a traveler. And it's terrifying. I have to be someone else to be stable.

My mind plays out a ton of questions based off this one statement alone. Am I not stable enough? Why do I have to be more stable? Why am I doing this? etc. etc. These thoughts only serve to complicate the matter more.

I take reassurance in the fact that I do not plan to stay here forever. that I am to stubborn not to follow my dream. But it makes me wonder what is going to happen to me if I get this job. How will I change? Will I become a better person? Or, will I become disenfranchised with that sort of life and never again muster the ability to settle down and be "stable"?

I guess I will find out though. All I can do now is face this and take it in stride.

"The Pattern weaves as the pattern wills."
(A commonly used quotes in a book series by Robert Jordan)

The Calm in the Middle.

This is is a playlist I made.

Enjoy dear readers.

Coming to the Agora

After posting a rant, I figured I should post something funny.

I made this for a report on Emile Durkheim I did for my Sociological Theories class.

I had to do some oral presentation and needed visual cues or something.

Don't really remember.

I just remember too well. Just remember that I found, and still find, this to be amusing.

So I'm sharing.

10 Carton Limit

So it's about 2:45 in the morning and I want some supplies.
Mainly a Red Bull and some munchies.

I go out and drive to Speedway, a Twenty Four hour gas station near me, to fix my munchies craving. I go and get a Red Bull and a bag of chips.

Walk up to the counter.

And see a sign that made me want to violently punch small animals.

It was a small, non-descript, white sign hanging from the cigarette racks.
And it said:

"Philip Morris USA: 10 Carton Limit"

And this was per day

Below it were three more companies that produce cigarettes. One had a 5 carton limit, one had a 2 carton limit while the last one...had a No carton limit

And this limit was based on...daily consumption.

So, on the off chance that you need 11 Philip Morris brand cigarettes from that store, and ONLY that store, you're fucked. But, in the even more off chance that you need 18 Cartons of cigarettes, you can only get 10 Philip Morris, 5 of the one, 2 of the other, and then realize, holy fuck, i could have gotten 18 Cartons of that last one. So make sure you plan out who you want to screw over. When you go back to the office, or the site, or whatever, and say "HAHA BILL, I couldn't get you Philip Morris Cigarettes because I bought them for Joey, Susey, Franky, Bobby Laney, Julie, Petey, Annie, Tiny, and that homeless wanderer who begs us for quarters and there is a 10 CARTON LIMIT! hahahaha, got you fucker!"

Is this really a reasonable restriction? To stop you now, no, I am not saying this is too restrictive. Seriously.

Do I even need to complain about this?

But the sad thing is you know, You know that there was a problem with people buying more than 10 Cartons and someone said "you know, that's not something we should allow to happen! Let's put a stop to that!"

20 Cigarettes a pack.
10 Packs per Carton
10 Cartons
so then... 20x10=200. 200X10=2000.

2000 Cigarettes that you can purchase in a day. Just from that store.

so... let's see here.

24 Hours in a Day
60 Minutes in an Hour
60 Seconds in a minute
that means 24X60 =1440. 1440X60=86400.

86400 seconds in a day.

2000/86400 = 43.2

In order to smoke all those cigarettes in one day, you'd have to smoke a full cigarette every 43.2 seconds for 24 hours.

Seriously.

What is the point of that restriction. If you're going to make a restriction, make it mean something. 1 Carton a day or something that will actually be....i don't know....restrictive?

That's just stupid.

Mute Math

These guys are amazing. Check this out.


First, I will say that I am not affiliated with the band at all.
All I'm saying is that I love these guys and want people to hear them.

These guys are coming out with a new album soon and hopefully will be touring near me sometime soon. But until then, I'll have to be satisfied with what I can get.

Mute Math's Myspace page

Mute Math's Website

Mute Math's Youtube page

And then there is this. New Music called "Clockwork" I was lucky enough to hear this song when they came to Cleveland a while back.

Changes

Recently, a girl who broke my heart from miles away had got in contact with me and started an exchange of messages on Facebook. In 7 hours from writing this blog, at 9 in the morning, I will be applying for a job that may grant me the opportunity to move into a place of my own and actually be almost self-sufficient. I am watching a good friend of mine nestle her way into a new relationship and I am watching my 13 year old Jack Russel Terrier slowly go blind in his one good eye.

Most, if not all of my life, I have been in the middle of a castrophoney of events. I won't bore you with everything that has happened.

But for some reason, as I grew older, I stopped thinking like everyone else. Not in the "I am a rebel against The Man" sense, but I began seeing things on a more macro scale, instead of keeping things in the micro-scale of my small town and the things around it. And when I went to college, my eyes opened up to a world that I had not even begun to imagen or understand. And I look back on myself, before I started changing into the world view I have to today.

And man, I want to be the shit out of my past self.

But besides wishing harm on the ignorant past of my own, it still boggles my mind how much I've changed.

While looking back on this, contemplating to myself, I can only smile to myself.

You know...in that sort of secretive way.
The way you do when you know your alone and
...and no one can see you vulnerable.

I smile because of paradox.

Just one paradox actually. Something that, for the past 8, maybe 10 years, has gotten me through an unstable psyche.

And that paradox is the fact that the only thing that is ever
constant and unchanging is the idea of change itself.

Change is the only universal constant.

Everything, person, whatever, always,
in some way,
whether big or small.
Changes

It may sound weird at first. But hell, I'm a weird person.

It may, at first, sound impossible.

you may know things that have never changed.

family traditions perhaps.

or maybe a love for a certain food.

But, if you were to really sit down and be honest with yourself
You could think of some aspect of anything that has changed.

Change neither is good nor evil. It does not choose sides. It does not pity nor does it favor.

Change just is.

It may sound silly to you, dear reader, but it is what gets me through.
This is the one thing I truly believe in.

But who knows, one day, that may change...

Dellusions of Importance

So let me set the stage for you.

My mother had forgotten her cell phone charger and was going to D.C. for the night for business. I had to wait for the cable person to come and fix our cable but I told her that if I could, I'd try and run it out to her at the airport. Well, half way there, my mother and I decide that I wouldn't make it in time and decided I should turn around.

So I go and get off of the turnpike and pull into the toll booth.

In the toll booth was an old white man, with graying hair, but little of it on his head and much on his beard. He stood with a slight slouch and eyeballed me, a raggedy looking 23 year old, coming to his booth ((I had been cleaning out my mother's garage and working outside)).

I hand him the ticket and he responds "Fifty cents"

I had broken the 20 dollar bill I had on my earlier and all I had on me was a 10 and a 5.

So I hand him the five and say "Sorry man, this is all i've got."

He takes the money....and rolls his eyes.

And for some reason, that really pissed me off.

I mean, seriously, who the hell does he think he is? Looking down on me or becoming so "heavily burdened" with me handing him the 5, the lowest bill I had on me. God forbid I inconvenience him one bit, right?

So i spend the next 15 minutes pissed off because some old punk in a toll booth had the "gall" to roll his eyes at me.

But later, and what inspired me to write this, was this thought:

"who the hell do I think I am?"

When the incident occurred, I bit my tongue because I thought that the old guy wasn't worth my time. At the time, I really wanted to rip into him.

But looking back at it, there was potentially a lot more to the situation that I knew and/or realized.

The guy could have been having a bad day. He could have had a few people give him big bills when he saw change in their car. Maybe he saw change in my car I didn't and thought I was being a jerk. Maybe the guy hates his job. Maybe he is having marital problems. I mean, when you think about it, the possibilities behind the reason as to why he rolled his eyes because of the 5 dollar bill for a .50 cent toll are endless.

Or maybe he's just a dick.

I think the reason I am writing about this is to say there is always more to a situation than meets the eye. And I strongly feel that the reason a lot of people don't break out into fist fights over small quarrels is because, maybe subconsciously, they consider this fact.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not some touchy-feely guy who believes we should all hug and sing Koombaya.

But I feel that there, generally, is some underlying drive in most of us that makes us consider our own complicated situations and see them in other people. Yet in our heads, it may come off as "who does this person think they are? I'm not even going to waste my time with them" when in actuality, they know, deep down, that they've had their bad days and have done snarky/snide little gestures when they think they are hidden.

Sometimes, I will admit, my logic is a bit strange.

Hell, the guy might have seriously just been a jerk.

But I would bet there was something else.

And, looking at it in a broader spectrum, can you imagen all the things in your life, then all the things in another persons life, coming to a peak at that one interaction you may have with that person for the rest of your life and how all those experiences you and that other person have had will shape that one moment in life?

So looking back on it, I'll just shrug and say "maybe the ol' coot was having a bad day." and just try to ignore the fact that all those momentous things in my life and his only mounted to a roll of the eyes.

Mario Permanete

I will come straight out and say it.

I am a Gamer

I love video games in almost every shape and form and one day, I'm going to get into that industry because I love it so much.
But, I am also a graduate of the sociology program, and thus, I am constantly curious about my surrounding culture and how it is evolving.

Before I write, I have a short story to tell you.

In a distant country, two men were out in the wilderness when they came upon the river. One was young, and one was old. The two, upon seeing the river, sat out to fish for some food. After a few hours, the men saw something floating downstream. The young man rushed out into the river and caught it.
It was a baby.
The young man brought it back to shore and the two men covered it up and made sure it was comfortable. But as soon as they did this, they saw two things floating down river.
Both men rushed into the water and found that the two things were babies.
They repeated the process with the two new babies only to look again and see three babies.
Then four.
then five.
Abruptly, the old man stopped, got out of the river, and started to head upstream, where the babies were coming from.
The young man, valiantly tring to save all the babies, called out to the old man.
"Where are you going? Won't you stay and help me?"
The old man turned and looked back, saying this.
"You can stay here, fishing these babies out of the river. I'm going upstream to see who is throwing them in."

In medical sociology, there is this concept of trying to solve problems "upstream." For example, instead of trying to stop the smoker from smoking, they would examine the environment and other social factors that encourage and promote smoking and try and change those.

The reason I bring this up has to do with this story I read at Gamasutra.com

According to Obesity In America.org, one of the big causes in Obesity is one diet.

Well according to the link I posted above, the one to Gamasutra.com, Games are joining in on the fight against obesity...sort of.

The magic of video games folks.

Let me introduce myself.

Greetings wayward internet surfer.
Welcome to Momentary Zen Instances.
Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Andrew. As of writing this, I am 23, white, and male.
I am Agnostic and as far as I can tell, straight in my sexual orientation.
I am a Sociology Graduate from Kent State University.
I love music, video games, writing, martial arts, and watching the world change.

Yet the thing you may want to know is why am I starting this blog?

And to be brutally honest, I have no specific, crusading reason as to starting this blog.But, what I do know is that I see the world in a unique way.

Or, at least I feel it's unique.

And my opinions on things may spark discourse, angry comments,

or even introspection.

If any of these things happen, then I guess this blog has a purpose.
But even if these things don't happen, then viva freedom of speech, ne?