Unable to fall asleep, I find myself contemplating, only to lead to the question: what do I really know? I have scant knowledge of many things, but that is only a placebo for my worries. For what I fear, and am starting to believe, is that I truly know nothing, nothing of true value, but am i not supposed to know thyself? and if so, if knowing that I know nothing leads me to knowing myself better, then does the fact that I know nothing mean that I, in fact, know something, if I would be so bold as to quantify 'nothing' as something. But then, would knowing that I know something, even if it is nothing, mean that I do not, actually, know 'nothing' since I know that I know that I know something, which means that thinking that I know nothing is actually false since i would know something, even if it is nothing, which, in turn, means I know nothing of myself, and re-validates the statement: that I know nothing.
This leads me to believe that I need a hobby.
April 22, 2009
January 1, 2009
A New Year's thoughts
It's hard for me to understand the world sometimes. There are so many variables and nuances out there that I find myself getting upset or distraught when I don't see something coming or something completely shocks me.
Maybe it has to do with an innate desire for control of my environment and my life.
Which, if that is true, will totally hinder me as an artist, writer, and all around general media person.
But, these past couple of weeks have been... wow. Just. Wow.
I guess what inspired me to write today is a forum posting by a well known and widely respected individual on the City of Heroes community forum. I won't go into detail but the man publicly admitted to having a mental problem and how he was going to take control of it and why he wasn't going to be online anymore. I won't reveal who it is but anyone who follows the Defender Forums on the City of Heroes website will know who I am referring to.
For some reason, his...confession...seemed to jolt me into a state of...what the hell?
I guess in my dreamscape, I often try to fade away and forget that the world is actually happening. Like, I don't want the world to be as is, so I fade into this dream world and, not necessarily pretend it's not happening, but make it happen as I choose.
Mary got fired from work on New Years Eve. or so I've been told.
And yes, I know you, dear reader, don't know who and/or care to know who Mary is.
I got a new computer and I've started a good and strong relationship with a wonderful woman. And I'm trying to publish/produce/push my music album onto the scene. I think I am going to create a myspace account and put my music on there. I mean, it's not the best thing in the world, but I want to create this and the album, give to anyone who wants it, then get back to my writing and let the ideas for music build up again, though, I do have this idea for a few albums actually.
But for some reason, while writing this, I can shake the feeling that somehow, all this is a dream.
Like. I'm going to wake up tomorrow, Georgia is gonna be gone and I'll be single again, i'm going to be stuck with my shitty computer, and loose all my music and Mary is going to be at work.
In a story, the pessimistic person would probably say, "how it should be".
But I am actually at a lost on what to say. No writing for a while has...sort of...stored up the energies I usually reserve for writing. But, after being struck in the face by the mighty hammer of reality, for some reason, I can't help but wonder, "Really? What AM I doing?"
Despite my mantra, that Change is the only universal constant, self doubt always hits my confident facade like a ton of bricks. It is odd yet true to say I am secure and confident enough to admit I doubt myself at every turn.
Yet, for a brief moment of clarity, I can see, as of now, the world doesn't give a shit about me. And not in the evil way or spiteful way.
The world has got some serious shit to do.
But that is reassuring, oddly enough. Because it does lift some of the self imposed weight on my mind and self doubt I carry. It makes me feel free.
So maybe this new year will be the year of my...true birth...as the artist/writer/creator, I know I can be.
This month I am planning on reorganizing my future into the path I choose to travel so the journey I take is the one that brings me joy, not melancholy. I'm going to start doing the things I know I can.
All this, from a simple man's confessions about his problems, and determination to better himself.
Because if he can do it, why can't I?
Maybe it has to do with an innate desire for control of my environment and my life.
Which, if that is true, will totally hinder me as an artist, writer, and all around general media person.
But, these past couple of weeks have been... wow. Just. Wow.
I guess what inspired me to write today is a forum posting by a well known and widely respected individual on the City of Heroes community forum. I won't go into detail but the man publicly admitted to having a mental problem and how he was going to take control of it and why he wasn't going to be online anymore. I won't reveal who it is but anyone who follows the Defender Forums on the City of Heroes website will know who I am referring to.
For some reason, his...confession...seemed to jolt me into a state of...what the hell?
I guess in my dreamscape, I often try to fade away and forget that the world is actually happening. Like, I don't want the world to be as is, so I fade into this dream world and, not necessarily pretend it's not happening, but make it happen as I choose.
Mary got fired from work on New Years Eve. or so I've been told.
And yes, I know you, dear reader, don't know who and/or care to know who Mary is.
I got a new computer and I've started a good and strong relationship with a wonderful woman. And I'm trying to publish/produce/push my music album onto the scene. I think I am going to create a myspace account and put my music on there. I mean, it's not the best thing in the world, but I want to create this and the album, give to anyone who wants it, then get back to my writing and let the ideas for music build up again, though, I do have this idea for a few albums actually.
But for some reason, while writing this, I can shake the feeling that somehow, all this is a dream.
Like. I'm going to wake up tomorrow, Georgia is gonna be gone and I'll be single again, i'm going to be stuck with my shitty computer, and loose all my music and Mary is going to be at work.
In a story, the pessimistic person would probably say, "how it should be".
But I am actually at a lost on what to say. No writing for a while has...sort of...stored up the energies I usually reserve for writing. But, after being struck in the face by the mighty hammer of reality, for some reason, I can't help but wonder, "Really? What AM I doing?"
Despite my mantra, that Change is the only universal constant, self doubt always hits my confident facade like a ton of bricks. It is odd yet true to say I am secure and confident enough to admit I doubt myself at every turn.
Yet, for a brief moment of clarity, I can see, as of now, the world doesn't give a shit about me. And not in the evil way or spiteful way.
The world has got some serious shit to do.
But that is reassuring, oddly enough. Because it does lift some of the self imposed weight on my mind and self doubt I carry. It makes me feel free.
So maybe this new year will be the year of my...true birth...as the artist/writer/creator, I know I can be.
This month I am planning on reorganizing my future into the path I choose to travel so the journey I take is the one that brings me joy, not melancholy. I'm going to start doing the things I know I can.
All this, from a simple man's confessions about his problems, and determination to better himself.
Because if he can do it, why can't I?
November 17, 2008
Music Update
RRRAAAAGGGHHH
Man, I need to get back to writing some productive posts.
Anyway, just wanted to say I got two more songs I want to compose and then I'll find out where I want to post them and what I want to do.
Man, I need to get back to writing some productive posts.
Anyway, just wanted to say I got two more songs I want to compose and then I'll find out where I want to post them and what I want to do.
November 6, 2008
Contributing
I've always been a big fan of music. One of my heroes is Freddy Mercury and I have been fortunate enough to have experienced many different genres of music, ranging from County to Hip-Hop, Trance to Metal and all around beautiful music in between.
I've decided that I should at least make an attempt at contributing to an art form that has done so much for me. When I feel more energetic, a blog posting about music seems in order.
But what this post is saying is that once I get a few more songs composed, I'm going to post them on my blog. Then I can say that I actually have contributed something, regardless of if people listen or not.
I've decided that I should at least make an attempt at contributing to an art form that has done so much for me. When I feel more energetic, a blog posting about music seems in order.
But what this post is saying is that once I get a few more songs composed, I'm going to post them on my blog. Then I can say that I actually have contributed something, regardless of if people listen or not.
November 5, 2008
Le sigh
Dear Blog.
It's been a while since we last spoke. That is terribly rude on my part. I wanted to let you know I have no ill will towards you, I've just been busy. I've been creating and working and taking care of my kitten and reflecting.
And the excuses pile on. I regret that we have no spoken for a little over a month. This is what I truly miss.
Writing.
I miss seeing my words posted for all to see if they so choose to read them. I miss how you, my blog, were able to allow me the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings in my often hidden, deepest, linguistic passion And I miss writing in general. I need to make more of an effort to follow my dream.
I have an idea brewing in my mind for a new story. I am going to start planning it out and actually make an effort towards being what I want to be. A writer.
Because deep down, as the country has now proven, I need to bear in mind the Occam's razor of life: "Yes, We Can."
Love
Andrew.
It's been a while since we last spoke. That is terribly rude on my part. I wanted to let you know I have no ill will towards you, I've just been busy. I've been creating and working and taking care of my kitten and reflecting.
And the excuses pile on. I regret that we have no spoken for a little over a month. This is what I truly miss.
Writing.
I miss seeing my words posted for all to see if they so choose to read them. I miss how you, my blog, were able to allow me the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings in my often hidden, deepest, linguistic passion And I miss writing in general. I need to make more of an effort to follow my dream.
I have an idea brewing in my mind for a new story. I am going to start planning it out and actually make an effort towards being what I want to be. A writer.
Because deep down, as the country has now proven, I need to bear in mind the Occam's razor of life: "Yes, We Can."
Love
Andrew.
October 2, 2008
toLoveRU: Anime
...what the fuck.
I don't know if anyone reading this, if there is anyone at all, is an anime fan. Well, I am. Love it to death actually. But man, gotta say.
Just finished watching this anime called toLoveRU and....what the hell.
The first couple of episodes...not bad...not bad. Introduce supporting characters, interesting situation main characters are in, a love triangle...etc. etc.
But jesus, after the first couple of episodes the plot just ddrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggs out.
Very slow plot development. Way too many, in my humble opinion, filler episodes with little importance on the actual plot, a bit too much fan service and a few other things.
But most imporant of all, the ending was bullshit.
There, I said it. Bullshit.
So, during the last episode, the main character, Rito, has to run to the spaceship. In classic Anime fashion, especially in dealing with these kinds of shows, his friends show up, whoop some ass, and he makes it. The other main character, Lala, the girl he is trying to "save" sorta ((he has to run to the space ship so Lala's father doesn't destroy the earth [by the way, Lala is an alien])). He saves the earth and then suddenly, BAM Lala and Rito are at a wedding ceremony.
BAM
Emeril style plot twist.
BAM MOTHER FUCKER. YOU GOT A WEDDING.
With a sprinkle of Sam Jackson.
For your information, the beginning plot twist is that Rito unintentionally proposed to Lala ((alien species, different rituals, 'lolz' ensue)).
But yeah, BAM wedding scene.
But, what must be mentioned is that Rito loves this other girl named Haruna. Who is kinda a shy fox. Reminds me of Ami Mizuno. And if you know who she is, try and call me a nerd since it's pretty fucking nerdy to know who she is.
Anyway, suddenly, Lala calls off the wedding, apologizes for all the BULLSHIT she put everyone through, breaks the engagement and then uses a memory wiping device to clear everyone's memory in like...2 fucking minutes.
I mean, last episode, yeah, you gotta put shit together. But damn. Emotional ADD.
Anyway, she "wipes everyone's mind" on the planet earth so she can start over.
Scene changes as Lala is supposedly a new transfer student. Opens the door.
Everyone remembers her.
Why? Cause her inventions are notorious for sucking and dying.
So everyone remembers. Dun dun dun, love triangle still?
NO!
NOTHING.
They say hi. Rito turns to Haruna and is about to say something, but she stops him and smiles at him and then the last shot is Lala jumping forward to hug/glomp everyone.
Anime over.
Seriously?
26 episodes.
24 minutes long.
Over 10 hours of my life. Wasted.
I am so pissed off.
There was no closure!
I mean, come the fuck on. Even when Spike died in Cowboy Bebop, you had some closure in the fact that the main character is mother fucking dead.
All the last episode did was....make everyone friends. Solved nothing.
Why didn't Lala's father just be like "nope, fuck the memory device, i am the ruler of the galaxy and i am gonna blow the earth up." Or...why didn't Rito grow a spine and tell Lala the truth. Or why couldn't he confess to Haruna till like...episode 24.
Hardly any character development, lots of shy cutsey bullshit, seriously? the only reason to watch this anime is for one reason, and one reason only.
Golden Darkness
Through out all the nambi-pambi bullshit this Anime continued to pump out after a possible openning up with an interesting, if a bit overused idea, Golden Darkness, or Yami-chan, fricken saved this Anime.
Totally badass.
So, if anything...watch it for her. Otherwise...I want my 10 hours back
I don't know if anyone reading this, if there is anyone at all, is an anime fan. Well, I am. Love it to death actually. But man, gotta say.
Just finished watching this anime called toLoveRU and....what the hell.
The first couple of episodes...not bad...not bad. Introduce supporting characters, interesting situation main characters are in, a love triangle...etc. etc.
But jesus, after the first couple of episodes the plot just ddrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggs out.
Very slow plot development. Way too many, in my humble opinion, filler episodes with little importance on the actual plot, a bit too much fan service and a few other things.
But most imporant of all, the ending was bullshit.
There, I said it. Bullshit.
So, during the last episode, the main character, Rito, has to run to the spaceship. In classic Anime fashion, especially in dealing with these kinds of shows, his friends show up, whoop some ass, and he makes it. The other main character, Lala, the girl he is trying to "save" sorta ((he has to run to the space ship so Lala's father doesn't destroy the earth [by the way, Lala is an alien])). He saves the earth and then suddenly, BAM Lala and Rito are at a wedding ceremony.
BAM
Emeril style plot twist.
BAM MOTHER FUCKER. YOU GOT A WEDDING.
With a sprinkle of Sam Jackson.
For your information, the beginning plot twist is that Rito unintentionally proposed to Lala ((alien species, different rituals, 'lolz' ensue)).
But yeah, BAM wedding scene.
But, what must be mentioned is that Rito loves this other girl named Haruna. Who is kinda a shy fox. Reminds me of Ami Mizuno. And if you know who she is, try and call me a nerd since it's pretty fucking nerdy to know who she is.
Anyway, suddenly, Lala calls off the wedding, apologizes for all the BULLSHIT she put everyone through, breaks the engagement and then uses a memory wiping device to clear everyone's memory in like...2 fucking minutes.
I mean, last episode, yeah, you gotta put shit together. But damn. Emotional ADD.
Anyway, she "wipes everyone's mind" on the planet earth so she can start over.
Scene changes as Lala is supposedly a new transfer student. Opens the door.
Everyone remembers her.
Why? Cause her inventions are notorious for sucking and dying.
So everyone remembers. Dun dun dun, love triangle still?
NO!
NOTHING.
They say hi. Rito turns to Haruna and is about to say something, but she stops him and smiles at him and then the last shot is Lala jumping forward to hug/glomp everyone.
Anime over.
Seriously?
26 episodes.
24 minutes long.
Over 10 hours of my life. Wasted.
I am so pissed off.
There was no closure!
I mean, come the fuck on. Even when Spike died in Cowboy Bebop, you had some closure in the fact that the main character is mother fucking dead.
All the last episode did was....make everyone friends. Solved nothing.
Why didn't Lala's father just be like "nope, fuck the memory device, i am the ruler of the galaxy and i am gonna blow the earth up." Or...why didn't Rito grow a spine and tell Lala the truth. Or why couldn't he confess to Haruna till like...episode 24.
Hardly any character development, lots of shy cutsey bullshit, seriously? the only reason to watch this anime is for one reason, and one reason only.
Golden Darkness
Through out all the nambi-pambi bullshit this Anime continued to pump out after a possible openning up with an interesting, if a bit overused idea, Golden Darkness, or Yami-chan, fricken saved this Anime.
Totally badass.
So, if anything...watch it for her. Otherwise...I want my 10 hours back
September 28, 2008
Corporations
Sorry it's been over a month since I've last written, I've been exhausted. With the new kitten, of which I will eventually post pictures of, work getting more complicated along with my yearning to get back into academia, I just haven't had the desire to write.
But when I was outside, I got to thinking. I recently watched Babylon A.D. Great movie with Vin Diesel. (I don't care what people say, that D&D nerd is a bad ass action star and a good actor.) There was this scene in the movie where they were flying in a jet liner. The hull was painted with in Coca Cola decor. Sounds innocent right?
Yet, for some reason, it got me to thinking.
Another movie I watched recently is called Idiocracy. Great movie featuring Luke Wilson. and alot of it says something about corporations if you look at it the way I did the second time I watched it. Pixar's movie Wall-E also has a lot to say about future corporate involvement in our everyday lives.
These movies, and more, are saying alot about how too much corporate involvement is a detriment to us as a society. But what is odd is all of these movies...are produced/funded/made by corporations themselves.
It is almost like we are being warned about something happening by the people who are making it happen, but it is in a movie, so we perceive it as make believe. the simple that corporations are able to joke about and make money off of using the concept of Total Societal Neocolonialism is astonishing to me.
It's like a friend coming up to you, laughing his/her ass off about how he/she is going to shoot you in the face in the near future with the shotgun they just purchased, then getting you to laugh about it as they pull the trigger.
Granted, there are some good corporations out there. I will try to refrain from lumping all corporations into one group and labeling them as evil. That's just stupid.
But the simple fact that we can laugh about something that could be a distinct reality in the near future scares me.
Side Note: My kitten is awesome and made of win.
But when I was outside, I got to thinking. I recently watched Babylon A.D. Great movie with Vin Diesel. (I don't care what people say, that D&D nerd is a bad ass action star and a good actor.) There was this scene in the movie where they were flying in a jet liner. The hull was painted with in Coca Cola decor. Sounds innocent right?
Yet, for some reason, it got me to thinking.
Another movie I watched recently is called Idiocracy. Great movie featuring Luke Wilson. and alot of it says something about corporations if you look at it the way I did the second time I watched it. Pixar's movie Wall-E also has a lot to say about future corporate involvement in our everyday lives.
These movies, and more, are saying alot about how too much corporate involvement is a detriment to us as a society. But what is odd is all of these movies...are produced/funded/made by corporations themselves.
It is almost like we are being warned about something happening by the people who are making it happen, but it is in a movie, so we perceive it as make believe. the simple that corporations are able to joke about and make money off of using the concept of Total Societal Neocolonialism is astonishing to me.
It's like a friend coming up to you, laughing his/her ass off about how he/she is going to shoot you in the face in the near future with the shotgun they just purchased, then getting you to laugh about it as they pull the trigger.
Granted, there are some good corporations out there. I will try to refrain from lumping all corporations into one group and labeling them as evil. That's just stupid.
But the simple fact that we can laugh about something that could be a distinct reality in the near future scares me.
Side Note: My kitten is awesome and made of win.
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