Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

Lately, my head has been swimming with all sorts things and life has been busy.

I'll update with a better blog as soon as i get a chance.

Until then, here is Mystery Science Theater 3000 with a movie staring Raul Julia.

Traveler

I have always considered myself a traveler at heart.

Ever since I was little, I have been on the move. When I was 3, I moved to the Middle East because my father worked in the oil industry. When Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait City, where I lived, I moved to Pennsylvania. Later, I moved to Ohio, where I currently reside. When I was 8, my parents divorced and my father chose not to live in the same state, so until the age of 18, I would travel down to his place in North Carolina, by Airplane or Car, fairly often. My mother's grandparents live in Pennsylvania and my father's live in South Carolina so I would often travel to see them as well. I've also visited Washington D.C., Detroit, Toronto, Chicago, Houston, Baton Rouge, Orlando, Kansas City, and the Grand Canyon. And I have been ever so fortunate to visit Japan in the summer of 2006 (I still need to write to my host family.)

With this fair list, it has safe to say that traveling around has been a major part of my life. I am sure there are some places I am also forgetting but the point is, that I have traveled.

This is not to say that I am worldly by any means. I do not mean to write this post as a ego-boosting, self proclamation of my so-called awesomeness.

What I simply mean to relay is that I am a traveler.

Traveling has disrupted much of my life yet has shown me thing that I know many people are not fortunate enough to experience. And for that I am grateful.

But I find myself today sitting down and wondering if I am going to be denying an essential part of my self in a few hours.

At 1 p.m. today, I'll be sitting down in an interview with a real job. No disrespect meant to all those who bust their asses working in Mike Rowe-esque jobs, but I'll be doing my second interview for a job that will officially "settle me down", at least for a few years. I'll be working 7:30 till 4:30pm, Monday through Friday, if I get this job.

And for some reason, it terrifies me.

I thought about it for a while. I thought maybe I was confusing fear with excitement. After all, this is a big opportunity for me. I'll be able to get my own apartment, get benefits, and pretty much be independent of anyone if I so choose.

But no, it terrifies me.

I also thought about maybe I am scared of growing up. Maybe I am terrified of reaching the point where I am actually held accountable for major problems. Maybe I am terrified of reaching a point where I feel like I have to give up my dream of writing stories for video games because I need to start earning a real income and "be a grown up". To this, I thought that might be true. I know that if I get this job, I won't be able to attend a promising conference in Austin Texas that has several conferences for video game writing..

But no, I am too stubborn to give up on my dream.

I will write stories for video games.

So why does this terrify me so?

I mean, I could always wuss out and just not show up. But where is the honor in that?

Oddly enough, it came to me while working on a concept for a City of Heroes character. (A Warshade for those of you who are curious and know the game.) I wanted a character that had my name in some respect. So I took my middle name, Andrew, and rearranged it into Dre Wan, thinking to myself that it would be a cool name.

But in the conceptualizing phase, i started to worry again. And it just seemed to strike me.

If you re-arrange Andrew, you get the word Wander. And it's only a one letter change really.

For some reason, that just snapped things into focus for me.

If I get this job, what will happen to this part of me that has come to define me so? Traveling and Wandering has become such an integral part of my personality that, with out it, I wouldn't know how to define myself at all.

I think what scares me is that, in getting this job, I'll have to fight against my very nature as a traveler. And it's terrifying. I have to be someone else to be stable.

My mind plays out a ton of questions based off this one statement alone. Am I not stable enough? Why do I have to be more stable? Why am I doing this? etc. etc. These thoughts only serve to complicate the matter more.

I take reassurance in the fact that I do not plan to stay here forever. that I am to stubborn not to follow my dream. But it makes me wonder what is going to happen to me if I get this job. How will I change? Will I become a better person? Or, will I become disenfranchised with that sort of life and never again muster the ability to settle down and be "stable"?

I guess I will find out though. All I can do now is face this and take it in stride.

"The Pattern weaves as the pattern wills."
(A commonly used quotes in a book series by Robert Jordan)

The Calm in the Middle.

This is is a playlist I made.

Enjoy dear readers.

Coming to the Agora

After posting a rant, I figured I should post something funny.

I made this for a report on Emile Durkheim I did for my Sociological Theories class.

I had to do some oral presentation and needed visual cues or something.

Don't really remember.

I just remember too well. Just remember that I found, and still find, this to be amusing.

So I'm sharing.

10 Carton Limit

So it's about 2:45 in the morning and I want some supplies.
Mainly a Red Bull and some munchies.

I go out and drive to Speedway, a Twenty Four hour gas station near me, to fix my munchies craving. I go and get a Red Bull and a bag of chips.

Walk up to the counter.

And see a sign that made me want to violently punch small animals.

It was a small, non-descript, white sign hanging from the cigarette racks.
And it said:

"Philip Morris USA: 10 Carton Limit"

And this was per day

Below it were three more companies that produce cigarettes. One had a 5 carton limit, one had a 2 carton limit while the last one...had a No carton limit

And this limit was based on...daily consumption.

So, on the off chance that you need 11 Philip Morris brand cigarettes from that store, and ONLY that store, you're fucked. But, in the even more off chance that you need 18 Cartons of cigarettes, you can only get 10 Philip Morris, 5 of the one, 2 of the other, and then realize, holy fuck, i could have gotten 18 Cartons of that last one. So make sure you plan out who you want to screw over. When you go back to the office, or the site, or whatever, and say "HAHA BILL, I couldn't get you Philip Morris Cigarettes because I bought them for Joey, Susey, Franky, Bobby Laney, Julie, Petey, Annie, Tiny, and that homeless wanderer who begs us for quarters and there is a 10 CARTON LIMIT! hahahaha, got you fucker!"

Is this really a reasonable restriction? To stop you now, no, I am not saying this is too restrictive. Seriously.

Do I even need to complain about this?

But the sad thing is you know, You know that there was a problem with people buying more than 10 Cartons and someone said "you know, that's not something we should allow to happen! Let's put a stop to that!"

20 Cigarettes a pack.
10 Packs per Carton
10 Cartons
so then... 20x10=200. 200X10=2000.

2000 Cigarettes that you can purchase in a day. Just from that store.

so... let's see here.

24 Hours in a Day
60 Minutes in an Hour
60 Seconds in a minute
that means 24X60 =1440. 1440X60=86400.

86400 seconds in a day.

2000/86400 = 43.2

In order to smoke all those cigarettes in one day, you'd have to smoke a full cigarette every 43.2 seconds for 24 hours.

Seriously.

What is the point of that restriction. If you're going to make a restriction, make it mean something. 1 Carton a day or something that will actually be....i don't know....restrictive?

That's just stupid.

Mute Math

These guys are amazing. Check this out.


First, I will say that I am not affiliated with the band at all.
All I'm saying is that I love these guys and want people to hear them.

These guys are coming out with a new album soon and hopefully will be touring near me sometime soon. But until then, I'll have to be satisfied with what I can get.

Mute Math's Myspace page

Mute Math's Website

Mute Math's Youtube page

And then there is this. New Music called "Clockwork" I was lucky enough to hear this song when they came to Cleveland a while back.

Changes

Recently, a girl who broke my heart from miles away had got in contact with me and started an exchange of messages on Facebook. In 7 hours from writing this blog, at 9 in the morning, I will be applying for a job that may grant me the opportunity to move into a place of my own and actually be almost self-sufficient. I am watching a good friend of mine nestle her way into a new relationship and I am watching my 13 year old Jack Russel Terrier slowly go blind in his one good eye.

Most, if not all of my life, I have been in the middle of a castrophoney of events. I won't bore you with everything that has happened.

But for some reason, as I grew older, I stopped thinking like everyone else. Not in the "I am a rebel against The Man" sense, but I began seeing things on a more macro scale, instead of keeping things in the micro-scale of my small town and the things around it. And when I went to college, my eyes opened up to a world that I had not even begun to imagen or understand. And I look back on myself, before I started changing into the world view I have to today.

And man, I want to be the shit out of my past self.

But besides wishing harm on the ignorant past of my own, it still boggles my mind how much I've changed.

While looking back on this, contemplating to myself, I can only smile to myself.

You know...in that sort of secretive way.
The way you do when you know your alone and
...and no one can see you vulnerable.

I smile because of paradox.

Just one paradox actually. Something that, for the past 8, maybe 10 years, has gotten me through an unstable psyche.

And that paradox is the fact that the only thing that is ever
constant and unchanging is the idea of change itself.

Change is the only universal constant.

Everything, person, whatever, always,
in some way,
whether big or small.
Changes

It may sound weird at first. But hell, I'm a weird person.

It may, at first, sound impossible.

you may know things that have never changed.

family traditions perhaps.

or maybe a love for a certain food.

But, if you were to really sit down and be honest with yourself
You could think of some aspect of anything that has changed.

Change neither is good nor evil. It does not choose sides. It does not pity nor does it favor.

Change just is.

It may sound silly to you, dear reader, but it is what gets me through.
This is the one thing I truly believe in.

But who knows, one day, that may change...

Dellusions of Importance

So let me set the stage for you.

My mother had forgotten her cell phone charger and was going to D.C. for the night for business. I had to wait for the cable person to come and fix our cable but I told her that if I could, I'd try and run it out to her at the airport. Well, half way there, my mother and I decide that I wouldn't make it in time and decided I should turn around.

So I go and get off of the turnpike and pull into the toll booth.

In the toll booth was an old white man, with graying hair, but little of it on his head and much on his beard. He stood with a slight slouch and eyeballed me, a raggedy looking 23 year old, coming to his booth ((I had been cleaning out my mother's garage and working outside)).

I hand him the ticket and he responds "Fifty cents"

I had broken the 20 dollar bill I had on my earlier and all I had on me was a 10 and a 5.

So I hand him the five and say "Sorry man, this is all i've got."

He takes the money....and rolls his eyes.

And for some reason, that really pissed me off.

I mean, seriously, who the hell does he think he is? Looking down on me or becoming so "heavily burdened" with me handing him the 5, the lowest bill I had on me. God forbid I inconvenience him one bit, right?

So i spend the next 15 minutes pissed off because some old punk in a toll booth had the "gall" to roll his eyes at me.

But later, and what inspired me to write this, was this thought:

"who the hell do I think I am?"

When the incident occurred, I bit my tongue because I thought that the old guy wasn't worth my time. At the time, I really wanted to rip into him.

But looking back at it, there was potentially a lot more to the situation that I knew and/or realized.

The guy could have been having a bad day. He could have had a few people give him big bills when he saw change in their car. Maybe he saw change in my car I didn't and thought I was being a jerk. Maybe the guy hates his job. Maybe he is having marital problems. I mean, when you think about it, the possibilities behind the reason as to why he rolled his eyes because of the 5 dollar bill for a .50 cent toll are endless.

Or maybe he's just a dick.

I think the reason I am writing about this is to say there is always more to a situation than meets the eye. And I strongly feel that the reason a lot of people don't break out into fist fights over small quarrels is because, maybe subconsciously, they consider this fact.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not some touchy-feely guy who believes we should all hug and sing Koombaya.

But I feel that there, generally, is some underlying drive in most of us that makes us consider our own complicated situations and see them in other people. Yet in our heads, it may come off as "who does this person think they are? I'm not even going to waste my time with them" when in actuality, they know, deep down, that they've had their bad days and have done snarky/snide little gestures when they think they are hidden.

Sometimes, I will admit, my logic is a bit strange.

Hell, the guy might have seriously just been a jerk.

But I would bet there was something else.

And, looking at it in a broader spectrum, can you imagen all the things in your life, then all the things in another persons life, coming to a peak at that one interaction you may have with that person for the rest of your life and how all those experiences you and that other person have had will shape that one moment in life?

So looking back on it, I'll just shrug and say "maybe the ol' coot was having a bad day." and just try to ignore the fact that all those momentous things in my life and his only mounted to a roll of the eyes.

Mario Permanete

I will come straight out and say it.

I am a Gamer

I love video games in almost every shape and form and one day, I'm going to get into that industry because I love it so much.
But, I am also a graduate of the sociology program, and thus, I am constantly curious about my surrounding culture and how it is evolving.

Before I write, I have a short story to tell you.

In a distant country, two men were out in the wilderness when they came upon the river. One was young, and one was old. The two, upon seeing the river, sat out to fish for some food. After a few hours, the men saw something floating downstream. The young man rushed out into the river and caught it.
It was a baby.
The young man brought it back to shore and the two men covered it up and made sure it was comfortable. But as soon as they did this, they saw two things floating down river.
Both men rushed into the water and found that the two things were babies.
They repeated the process with the two new babies only to look again and see three babies.
Then four.
then five.
Abruptly, the old man stopped, got out of the river, and started to head upstream, where the babies were coming from.
The young man, valiantly tring to save all the babies, called out to the old man.
"Where are you going? Won't you stay and help me?"
The old man turned and looked back, saying this.
"You can stay here, fishing these babies out of the river. I'm going upstream to see who is throwing them in."

In medical sociology, there is this concept of trying to solve problems "upstream." For example, instead of trying to stop the smoker from smoking, they would examine the environment and other social factors that encourage and promote smoking and try and change those.

The reason I bring this up has to do with this story I read at Gamasutra.com

According to Obesity In America.org, one of the big causes in Obesity is one diet.

Well according to the link I posted above, the one to Gamasutra.com, Games are joining in on the fight against obesity...sort of.

The magic of video games folks.

Let me introduce myself.

Greetings wayward internet surfer.
Welcome to Momentary Zen Instances.
Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Andrew. As of writing this, I am 23, white, and male.
I am Agnostic and as far as I can tell, straight in my sexual orientation.
I am a Sociology Graduate from Kent State University.
I love music, video games, writing, martial arts, and watching the world change.

Yet the thing you may want to know is why am I starting this blog?

And to be brutally honest, I have no specific, crusading reason as to starting this blog.But, what I do know is that I see the world in a unique way.

Or, at least I feel it's unique.

And my opinions on things may spark discourse, angry comments,

or even introspection.

If any of these things happen, then I guess this blog has a purpose.
But even if these things don't happen, then viva freedom of speech, ne?